Hola guys, once again Roshan Motwani this side with another read which isn’t meant for you. And still, f you’re gonna read most welcome to my blog where I write for myself!
Quite a few months ago till September 2019, I guess I was pretty free-minded with whatever I was doing. In short, I was happy with not doing much, not working hard enough towards achieving a big thing but on being happy most of the time.
Then it came, I felt it and it left to come back again and again with more strength to drown me down into darkness, into a mental state of oblivion where I couldn’t see anything good and which gave me unnecessary pain in return of my inability to control my thoughts.
A Breakdown it was. I had felt it for the first time in my life, a strong feeling that can make you overwhelmed for an incident that has happened a long ago. It leaves you in place all alone in your mind to suffer, may be caused due to shattered dreams or a broken friendship or a heartbreak. whatever may be the reason the important thing is now I am habitual of handling it!
Initially I did hurt a lot of people, asked for help a lot ( I really suck at asking for help ). I lost many people who were actually trying to help me, trying to help and got hurt in return 🙁 Where I have been at the time. That Roshan who understood things, that Roshan who used be Strong, Who used smile, who used to fight, who used to help. who used to be kind, who was not harsh with his words. Where was I ?
So, now I try to isolate myself, where ever it comes back to me. I leave every contact I can, I leave picking up calls from everyone, I start eating alone, I limit my time with even those who try to help. I don’t want to lose anyone now! 🙁
I have this small agreement with these breakdowns that they are allowed to hurt me as much as they want I won’t allow them to touch anybody else still I sometimes lose control but I try my hardest.
Maybe I have accepted that they are now part of me, they will happen to me every now and then but the important part is what I do when I am out of one! Do I still sit low or try hard at things that make me happy. Yes, absolutely I do things that make me happy. I write or I listen to music, I eat my chips and I sleep all isolating my self.
If you’re someone who felt Ignored you please understand it I am who is wrong not you! You are awesome but I am not as much as I was!
Maybe one day it will go forever, never return back and then I would be able to become soo awesome that I always dream of!
Will leave this post with an short poem.
A Shattered Dream
I was dreaming, living in an imaginary land,
Binding my thoughts over fearful reality,
Smiling, and then it happened,
I was still here losing my vanity…
Dreams are fragile, just like glass,
Yes, I cried after our college’s last class,
I was shattered after that, Yet I did care,
But now, No, not again don’t you dare…
You left me alone with lots of doubts,
Didn’t caring about my whereabouts,
Yet, I did it for you, Yeah I prayed,
But what you did to me, Played!
That’s one hell of a ROI,
No matter how much I tried,
The only thing I got is pain,
And every day and night I just cried…
The dream got shattered,
You know what It was mine,
That’s alright, Go,
Work hard be Bright…